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14 June 2011 @ 02:44 am
The Great Snail and Turtle Race (Part 5.a)  

This is unbetaed, sorry. I tried my best though. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, just be gentle please. :)


Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

The Great Snail and Turtle Race


This is unbetaed, sorry. I tried my best though. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, just be gentle please. :)

Yesung can still clearly remember the day Kyuhyun came into their lives. Like a hurricane, with his quiet confidence and the voice that took you breath away. Ryeowook had burst through the room Yesung and Kangin shared then, all wide-eyed, breathless and eyes shining with awe, talking non-stop about the "amazing voice" their newest member had.

Yesung had recognized that expression in an instant, and he is suddenly transported back to the day Yesung sought out a convenience store and bought an ice cream to comfort a crying boy. That same day the boy had looked at Yesung with trust in his eyes, nodding to a promise they would both keep for a long time to come. 

It didn't take long for Yesung to realize that if Ryeowook is to fulfill his promise to him, Ryeowook would have to break his own heart someday. Because Ryeowook was too young, and didn't recognize what was in his eyes the way Yesung had. 

Later, in a drinking session with some of the older members, Kangin would slump over to him, completely intoxicated, "Why are you here? You're still on main vocals." he slurred. 

Yesung had smiled and joked about something stupid, wondering how he could possibly explain to them what he lost that day. 

Sometimes, Yesung would watch when Kyuhyun and Ryeowook would unknowingly fall next to each other in their sleep, Kyuhyun unconsciously reaching out to Ryeowook, demanding Ryeowook’s attention even in their sleep, and it's as if Yesung could already hear the clock ticking. 

Kyuhyun was a hurricane Yesung wished had never came into their lives.

Because Kyuhyun was too young and even if he didn't recognize what that gesture meant, Yesung had.

Drinking with Kangin that night, Yesung contemplated how one can let go of something he'd never had. Yesung had passed out with no clear answers, dreaming of never ending dance rehearsals, vocal lessons, Ryeowook's smile and a loud ticking of a clock.

Sometime in the next few months, when the other members gets into a car accident and Kyuhyun lands in a coma, Yesung would realize that he would give anything to see Kyuhyun awake and bothering him again.

The choice had been easy.

And yet, even if Yesung had made the choice a long time ago, it’s still ironic, how he had tried putting it off in the end, making it worse, and hurting everyone in the process.

They're in the dressing room, the cheers and screaming can still be faintly heard over the loud blaring of music from the stage. Ryeowook stands before Yesung in a deserted dressing room now, no longer the boy Yesung knew and looking at him with eyes that asked him "Why?"

Yesung's mouth is dry, not knowing what to tell him, understanding that if Yesung would choose to answer, he would have to tell Ryeowook the whole truth. And what good would the truth do them now? But if he chooses to be silent, all will Ryeowook ever know is that Yesung never loved him.

Ryeowook's eyes bore on him, the resolute look that was in his face when he had approached Yesung has now dissolved into one of confusion and pain.

Yesung breaks eye contact and casts a furtive glance at Kyuhyun who is standing next to Ryeowook.

Kyuhyun nudges Ryeowook and they both share a look. Ryeowook, who seems to regain his bearings then says something that Yesung didn't expect, "You have to get back with Sungmin."

Yesung is taken aback, "What?"

Kyuhyun nudges Ryeowook again, "I thought we're just going to tell them to talk?"

"Uh well,... talk so you can get back with Sungmin okay?"

Yesung stares because he can't help it, but nods anyway, "Okay."

"So...” Ryeowook starts, probably feeling a little stupid now, "I guess we have to go." he says then proceeds to walk out, tagging a confused Kyuhyun who whispers "That's all? That's the plan?" to Ryeowook to which Ryeowook shrugs his shoulder in reply. Both were already at the door when Yesung calls out.

"Ryewook, wait."

They both stop, Ryeowook then turns to Kyuhyun who gives him a meaningful look, Ryeowook shakes his head in reply. Yesung who had watched them for years could see that something has changed between them. It then dawns to him that this is already the future that haunted him in the past.

Yesung sees Kyuhyun sigh, "Go." he says in a clipped tone, shoves Ryeowook into the room and shuts the door, leaving Yesung and Ryeowook alone in the dressing room.

Yesung, who was the first to call Ryeowook out, suddenly couldn’t say anything and they kinda stare at each other for a good long minute before Ryeowook seems to have come to a decision and approaches Yesung to stand at the same spot he stood with Kyuhyun earlier and looks at him with the same steely determination he had when facing all the challenges and intrigues as an idol, now directed at Yesung, it almost felt... unfair.

"I'm going to forget everything." Ryeowook starts, "Everything you said, I'll forget them. We'll go back to the way things were before. Just make things right this time."

Yesung is silent and takes a moment to look at the smaller boy in front of him, "What do you want me to do?"

"You want to be with Sungmin right?"

Yesung nods and Ryeowook swallows before continuing, "Go back to him, tell him the things you told us back then... Tell him with just the two of you this time because... because it's what he wants to hear the most."

Yesung nods again, feeling tears starting to form in his eyes, wondering how'd he end up hurting two of the most important people in his life, "I understand." he says, choking back tears, "Do you hate me?"

Ryeowook looks surprised at first but then his expression softens, "We're going to be all right, hyung." and as if by habit, Ryewook makes a motion to hug him but then freeezes in mid-step, suddenly unsure. Ryeowook steps back, looking a little embarrassed.

It's Yesung who steps closer to envelop Ryeowook in an embrace, "Thank you." he murmurs. The embrace is strange, awkward, Yesung might as well be hugging a stranger.

"It's okay." Ryeowook replies, his voice strained, and body stiff against his.

Yesung makes a decision then.

"Listen, Ryeowook." he grips the younger man's shoulders. "What I said before, forget them." he shifts to look at Ryeowook in the eye, squeezes his shoulders tightly, as if that gesture alone would make him understand, Ryeowook only looks a little frightened, as if expecting another outburst from him, "I did... I've always, always, all these years..." Yesung stops, struggling with words. How do you summarize in one sentence what took him years to figure out? How do you explain the times when he would question his sanity and wondered if he's making a mistake? "All of it was real, everything Ryeowook, please trust me on this." Years late, but Yesung knows it was anything but a lie.

Ryeowook smiles, "I understand, hyung." and the Ryeowook he held in his arms is stiff and a stranger.

"I would have done anything not to hurt you."

Ryeowook doesn't answer at once, as if weighing Yesung words, "I wish you didn't." he says after a moment, "But I guess that's one of the many reasons why I can't hate you." Ryeowook gives him a soft smile then gently steps out of their embrace.

Yesung would have wanted to stay that way with Ryeowook a little longer, but Ryeowook pulls away first and Yesung knows that it's time to let go.

Yesung would also have smiled back at Ryeowook but his blood runs cold instead when he catches a glimpse of someone standing at the door.


Part 5.b here